If you haven’t heard by
now, satirist, ex-lawyer and all-round good fellow, Elnathan John has been
nominated for the Caine Prize a SECOND TIME. This just goes to show you how
good my boy, Elnathan is. Two years ago he was nominated for the first time
alongside his close friend and fellow traveller Abubakar Adam Ibrahim. In the
aftermath of their nomination, a brief storm was brewed when Elnathan’s former
mentor/hero/goddess Chimamanda Adichie was interviewed and she referred to him
as her “boy”. People were outraged. So was I, but for different reasons.
Elnathan was my boy first, how dare her take the privilege of me announcing it
first to the world. The nerve of that woman!
Anyway, sha, in Ms.
Adichie’s defense, she may have been referring to Elnathan as her “boy” in the
American term as in, “That’s my boy, my road dog” and not in the Nigerian term
as in, “Senator El-Jefe? … That’s IBB’s boy na!” The first term refers to
someone who is an equal, while the latter means someone that’s subservient to
you. When I refer to Elnathan as my boy here, I mean both the Nigerian and
American term… but mostly the Nigerian sha!
When the shit hit the fan
after Ms. Adichie’s “boy” statement, the world (read: the mostly jobless and
so-called activists on Twitter and Facebook) were outraged and rightfully
so! Ms. Adichie on her part never clarified which “boy” she meant when she said
that statement and knowing how she is quick to write epistles to defend things
dear to her (being Igbo, natural/unnatural hair, feminism, not answering her
husband’s name (which she has the right not to) and the like), it was a
surprise that she didn’t write one for her once-subordinate admirer Elnathan,
so… make what you will of which “boy” she meant.
Anyway, there is life after
leaving the church of Adichie, clearly! Elnathan is now going for his second
Caine photo opportunity like African leaders at a G8 summit, unless of course
he wins, in which case I want people to know that I wrote this before he took
the cash prize and I can say I called it before the rest of you. After all he
is my boy, who do you think taught him to write so well?! For all we know, his
nominated story, “Flying”, could be about how he graduated from my school of
the Gifted and Talented (which he was neither of when he first came) with
flying colours!
So to my boy (sometimes
occasionally daydream lover*… WAIT… I heard something about 14 years!) ,
Elnathan John, bring back that cash prize, the big one, not the consolation!
*P.S . I’m straight like
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